On Forgiveness, Part Two

"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth"-Colossians 3:2.

Last year as I was working my way toward marriage, I thought it would be a good idea to see a Christian counselor.  I knew the importance of preparing for such a permanent life choice because I had seen the results of what happens otherwise.  I wanted to get over my "coping mechanisms" and learn to be at peace in Christ, so I went on a hunt for someone who taught Biblical principles and instruction as a method of healing from abuse.  I didn't want anyone to tell me, "You look great!  I can't believe you overeat" (which was a similar response from the first counselor I saw), or "I'm impressed by you.  You've really overcome your tribulation" (which I've heard from people who view the choices I've made as petty in comparison to what some do as a result of abuse).  I wanted to tell someone exactly what kind of a sinner I was, and I wanted to hear what the Bible had to say about that. 

It only took two consultations before I found my guy.  He was a pastor for nearly a decade, had a counseling practice for over two decades, and a wife for even longer than that.  He had eight children (the youngest being my age), and when we weren't talking about me, we were talking about his kids.  I appreciated his emphasis on family, as that is what I couldn't wait to build.  So we met and talked for about three months.

I promised myself that I would be completely honest.  I truly wanted to "heal" and move away from the resentment I had built up over the years.  I didn't want to start a family on the foundation I had grown up with, but on the foundation of Christ.  We looked up a lot of Scripture, and I was assigned a lot of homework.  It started with dissecting Bible verses, but it turned into a lot of writing about events from the past.  I had always liked journaling, so I had plenty of records.  But the point wasn't to disclose to my counselor what had happened.  The purpose was to draw out my feelings about my family and the hurt I felt by the choices my parents made.  I have documents called "10 Things Being Robbed Of My Childhood Did To Me" and "List of Ouchies" (literally a compiled list of all the wrongs my parents had ever done that affected me.  Well, I had started with my mom, and by the time I was finished, I was too exhausted and upset to attempt to think about what John had done). 

This is where we went wrong. 

When I moved to San Jose last summer, part of me thought I had left all of my troubles behind.  My counselor had warned me that would not be the case, but I couldn't imagine carrying all of my baggage with me.  In reality, I just couldn't blame my family for my actions anymore, because they were all of 682 miles away. 

I started going to a Bible study a couple months after the move, and that's when I heard the truth I needed to hear.  Colossians 3:1,2 directed me to Christ rather than myself.  The chapter continues, "For you died, and your life is hidden with God in Christ" (v.3).  What does this mean?  I am not to go on dissecting this life, because it isn't my true life.  I am not to be inward-focused on how my parents made me feel.  When my counselor had me do these activities, I couldn't figure out why "letting myself feel" didn't stop me from hurting myself anyway.  I would cry during our session, but they weren't healing tears.  Rather, they turned to hot anger the next time my mom and I spoke, preventing my heart from forgiving. 

I praise the Lord for opening my eyes to His Word.  Oh, how opening my Bible has opened me to true life with God in heaven!  I couldn't have forgiven if my thoughts had remained on my hurt.  But knowing what Christ has done for me, finally having the eyes to see it relate to everything, has allowed me to forgive.  Praise the Lord! 

People can't heal people.  God heals people.  He does it in different ways, through different Scripture and experience and study.  I thought I had done everything I could possibly do to heal, and I felt hopeless against my habits.  But one day, the Lord showed me something different, and everything changed.  Oh Lord Jesus, thank You for Your work in my life!  I praise You for the blessing of eternal life with You, and the knowledge that in You, my true life lies.  I pray today that everyone who reads this will know or come to know this truth.  In Your name, amen.

May the Lord bless you as He has blessed me,

adguglielmo