On Forgiveness

"You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?"-Matthew 28:32, 33

Part of my Bible study homework focused my attention on forgiveness this week. After I looked up the directed Scripture reading, I came to the next question, which asked, "Now, are you going to forgive?"

What I have to forgive in others is great. I was born out of wedlock, and I didn't meet my father until I was 19 years old (my mom gave birth to me at the same age). My mom's first marriage was short and nearly unmemorable, as I was only about two when they married and divorced. Around that time, you'll find John, the man I called "dad" throughout my childhood. But he didn't fill the role very well: Once he moved my mom and I away from all of our family, he proceeded to beat us. They had already brought my first sister into the world, but she remained untouched. John's attention stayed on me. Every move I made, every word I spoke came under harsh judgment followed by abusive punishment. Sometimes my mom would intervene. Sometimes she couldn't bear to believe what I told her. She never understood why, as I got older, I grew angry with her for the abuse John inflicted on me. Years passed, two more sisters were born, and the abuse continued. After several reports of John's crime, he nearly ceased to harm me physically. But how much worse was the emotional abuse. I spent such a long time trying to pacify my anguish by hurting myself. I started cutting when I was 12. I spent many years trying to gain control by overeating or under eating, or by not eating at all. My mom saw what was happening, but what could she do? Her life wasn't exactly together. But she reached the end of her wit with John two years ago, that summer he shattered the glass back door of our SUV over her arm. She obtained a restraining order, and he couldn’t come near my family.

My mom and I fought so much after that. She didn't understand why, after my years of pleading for her to leave him, I wasn't satisfied. Because I was grown! I was moving out of state two weeks later! Why hadn't she gathered her senses sooner? I would never get to be a happy child.

Let me tell you something: I am a happy child! The Lord is my Father, and He has fathered me well. He is gentle and caring and always listening to what I need...and then He provides for me. He comforts me when sorrow fills my heart. He encourages and strengthens me to do His bidding. There is no shortage of love from my Father, and I am the happiest a daughter could be. And to have His grace! Oh, how it abounds. I am sinful and in desperate need of forgiveness, and He forgives me. How, then, can my heart remain in unforgiveness for others?

"Now, are you going to forgive?"

Yes. I forgive you, John. I have an uplifted heart, and I am not burdened by your misdeed anymore. Please come to know the grace of God yourself. And Mom, I forgive you, too. It was a slower forgiveness, but it came through growth in the Lord. Thank you for seeking our Father. Now we're sisters in Christ! Although I know neither of you will ever read this, you will come to know my forgiveness.

It took much longer to forgive than to write this to you. I pray that the Lord will soften your heart sooner than I allowed Him to soften mine. Remember what Jesus taught in Matthew 6:14 and 15: "If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Now, are you going to forgive?